


Of a Baby Monitor, Honest Conversations, and Unsaid Things

by Diary



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Angst and Feels, Family, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Food, Friendship/Love, Gen, Jane Margolis Lives, Late Night Conversations, Past Jane Margolis/Jesse Pinkman, Past Skyler White/Walter White - Freeform, Post-Episode AU: S02E11 Mandala
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26781136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: AU. Spending the night on Walt's couch, Jesse helps with Holly. Complete.
Relationships: Jesse Pinkman & Holly White & Walter White
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Of a Baby Monitor, Honest Conversations, and Unsaid Things

Setting Holly down, Walt goes to answer the ringing doorbell.

Sighing, he greets, “Jesse.”

“Hey, Mr White. I, uh, hope I didn’t wake you. I wasn’t sure if I should knock or use the doorbell. Listen, could I crash on your couch? Just for tonight?”

“No. On any other night, but- I’m sorry.”

Continuing to rub his neck, Jesse shifts. “Look, I-”

“I forgot the baby monitor,” Walt mutters.

He rushes back to Holly, and closing the door, Jesse follows.

“You have the baby?” Jesse moves towards her before stopping. “Could I hold her?”

Hesitating for a moment, Walt answers, “Yeah. You’ll need to-”

Already picking her up, Jesse says, “I know how to hold a baby, Mr White. Even know how to make a bottle, check the temperature, and feed them. If I had to, yo, I could change a diaper. My brother. Jake. My parents never had me actually babysit, but a few times, I took care of him when they went to the store.”

“I think that qualifies as babysitting,” Walt comments.

Rocking her, Jesse says, “Hey, Holly. I’m Jesse. Jesse Pinkman. Your dad taught me in high school. Maybe, by the time you’re there, his old classroom will finally have joined the 20th century, huh? Have whiteboards and computers and-”

“21st.”

Jesse looks over.

“We entered the 21st century in 2001.”

Shrugging, Jesse goes back to looking at Holly. “Well, the point is, your dad’s old classroom sucked. Of course, if he’d had computers and sh- stuff, I’d’ve just found a way to play video games until he kicked me out. Trust me, he never would’ve been able to block me. He’d be the last person to tell you this, but I’m like, good, at figuring stuff out and thinking on my feet. Just not so good at tests and homework and all that.”

“The truth is, many great figures in history haven’t been. As a teacher, that fact isn’t one I dwelled on,” Walt quietly says. “Jesse, any other time, I’d let you stay, but,” he gestures to the bassinet, “Skyler’s letting me keep Holly for the night. I can give you money for a hotel, and if you want to wait about fifteen minutes, I’ll send you with a doggie bag. I’m making pot roast.”

Setting Holly down, Jesse hands her a toy she was reaching towards. Then, moving over to Walt, he says, “Yo, Mr White, I’m clean. I don’t have anything on me. Okay? Aside from cigarettes, and I wouldn’t smoke them here even if she weren’t here. I promise, I’ll be quiet. And no one is going to show up looking for me.”

Walt studies him. “You can guarantee this?”

“Pretty much. I’m just here- tonight’s not a great night, okay? Everyone else I know is either out of town or-” Making a motion with his hands, Jesse shakes his head. “All I’m asking is to crash on your couch. I won’t bother the baby or do anything to put her in danger, yo. And hey, if you wanted, I’m serious, I could feed her, watch her while you were taking a shower, whatever.”

“Alright.” Walt turns off the baby monitor. “But one more condition.”

“What’s that?”

“The things you’re clean from, the things you don’t have, the work we do together, we don’t talk about any of it.” Looking over at Holly, Walt says, “She’s too young for it to be possible for her to remember any of it, let alone understand, but I don’t-” He pauses.

“Yeah. Mr White.” Jesse catches his eyes. “I get it, yo. Family and business separate.”

“I should check on that roast. Are you going to need clothes? I might-”

“Nah.” Sitting down next to the bassinet, Jesse watches Holly playing with her toy. “These are clean. I’ll sit with her while you check on that.”

…

Sitting at the table, Jesse looks over at Holly. “She’s not hungry?”

“She probably won’t be for another two or three hours. I gave her a bottle shortly before you arrived.”

“Is she, oh, man, this is delicious, is she on, like, a schedule?”

“No. Skyler and I would only do scheduled feedings if there was a medical reason. When we first brought Junior- Flynn home, we had to, but once all the testing was done, we strictly fed him whenever he was hungry.”

“That’s cool. I don’t know what my parents did with me, but they fed Jake on a schedule. Wouldn’t let him have a pacifier, either. I didn’t like that, but I never- I followed the rules when it came to him.”

“Jesse.” Grabbing his wrist, Walt stills the moving hand. “Slow down. I made more than enough. If you want more than one helping, I’ll take that as a great compliment. But maybe try this thing called chewing and properly swallowing?”

Giving him a sheepish look, Jesse nods.

“You’re not a bad cook,” Walt says before quickly adding, “Of food.” He takes a drink. “If you’d start doing so instead of living on take-out or, worse, whatever junk food you can scrounge up, you might get into the habit of resembling a human being rather than a vacuum-cleaner whenever you’re having dinner with someone.”

“Yeah, I’m not a good cook, Mr White. I, uh, tried making breakfast for Jane once, and if it’d been a restaurant, she’d’ve sent it back.”

Walt gives him a sympathetic look. “I’m sure she deeply appreciated the gesture. Have you heard from her lately?”

“Changing the subject, yo, how’s she,” he nods to Holly, “do around vacuum-cleaners? It seems to me like that’s something babies would be scared of, but according to my aunt Ginny, the only way she could get me to go to sleep when she was babysitting was to run hers.”

“I don’t know. I think Skyler usually cleans whenever Flynn or Marie and Hank takes Holly out. I do know she used to have complete fits whenever the microwave at Hank and Marie’s went off, but interestingly enough, it’s only ever been their microwave that upsets her.”

“Serious?”

“Serious,” Walt says.

“Huh. Babies are weird, man.”

Holly gurgles.

“But not bad! Trust me, when you’re older, you’ll be smarter than me and, maybe, even your dad. Bet you’ll be just as pretty and scary tough as your mom, too. Yeah.”

“She can’t understand you, Jesse.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“No.” Walt smiles at Holly. “You’re right. She and Flynn are the two smartest, most beautiful babies I’ve ever been around.”

“Was he ever upset by microwaves?”

“No, but he had an interesting response to the blender. Whenever we’d use it, he’d…”

…

Walt drains the sink. “Thank you for helping with the dishes.”

“No problem, Mr White.”

Babbling, Holly waves her arms towards Jesse, and picking her up, Jesse adjusts her. “Yeah, your dad’s going to have hair kind of like mine someday. ‘Course, mine looks way better, yo. Hey, don’t listen when your mom says that she married your dad ‘cause he was handsome and nice and all this other- stuff. Truth is, he’s wicked smart, your old man, and he wasn’t scared of her. Aside from your big bro, who she loves just as much as you, it takes a tough man not to be scared of her.”

“Is that shower offer still good?”

Confusion crosses Jesse’s face, and he freezes, but then, quickly bouncing Holly, he answers, “Yeah, Mr White. Take a shower if you want, yo. I’ll watch Holly.”

Giggling, Holly pokes at his face.

“You’re sure?”

“Seriously, yes, I’m sure. Holly, I know you can’t talk yet, yo, but make it clear to your dad that we’ll be fine, okay?”

Letting out a small chuckle, Walt nods.

They go to the living room, and gesturing Walt says, “You can watch TV. Just keep the volume reasonable, and Jesse? Absolutely no metal music.”

“Got it.”

“I’m leaving the baby monitor on and taking it with me.” Setting the transmitter unit on the coffee table, Walt makes sure it’s on before sticking the receiver in his back pocket.

…

Jesse finds some family-friendly cartoons. “I remember when I was little, I loved Mister Rogers. Sesame Street was okay. Flintstones and Jetsons, though, they were my jam. They’re what made me get real into drawing.”

Chewing on her toy, Holly divides her eyes between it and the screen.

Then, five minutes into Walt’s shower, Holly starts crying.

“Hey, it’s okay. Yo, Mr White, I’ve got it. Yeah, come on, kiddo.”

Jesse gets Holly’s diaper changed, and by the time Walt comes out in a towel, Holly’s contentedly playing with a toy.

“Ugh.” Covering his eyes, Jesse groans.

“Why was she crying?”

“Diaper change, yo. Handled.” Jesse gestures to her diaper bag. “You’re dripping on the floor.”

Going through the diapers, Walt gives him a soft look. “I would have done that.”

“It was fine. I don’t know if it’s the fact Holly likes me more than Jake did,” he rubs his face with a wince, “or that she’s a girl, but it went better for me than it did whenever I changed him. Now, seriously, Mr White, you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt a kid. And I wouldn’t say I could handle watching one if I couldn’t. I’ve got this covered. Just, go take a proper shower, or at least, dry off and put on some clothes. I’m begging here, okay?”

Letting out a small chuckle, Walt nods. “Thank you.”

…

When a redressed Walt comes out, Holly is playing in Jesse’s lap.

Sitting down, Walt accepts a toy she extends towards him. “Thank you, sweetheart. Are you okay, Jesse? If you need to talk about whatever brought you here, even if it involves our business-”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Jesse gives him a brief smile. “Just needed to be somewhere other than home for the night.”

The landline rings.

“Skyler,” Walt says.

Jesse mutes the TV, and Walt answers on the third ring. “Hi, Skyler. I made an educated guess. Yes, she’s doing fine. I fed her… Yes, diaper change about ten minutes ago. Of course, I did. How’s Flynn doing?”

“Alright. I’m going to try to put you on speaker. If the call drops, it’s not intentional, and I’ll call you right back, okay?”

Setting a hand on Walt’s, Jesse makes a gesture. Then, getting Holly settled in her bassinet, he switches the phone to speaker before picking her back up.

Mouthing his thanks, Walt asks, “Are you there, Skyler?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

Holly giggles.

“Hi, baby. Mommy’s happy to hear you.”

Babbling, Holly’s stopped from making contact with the phone by Jesse.

“As you can hear, she’s happy to hear you, too.”

“It sounds like you’re both doing fine.”

“I took care of Wal- Flynn for a whole week when you, Marie, and Hank went to your grandmother’s funeral.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “Still, let’s try for no black eyes this time. Okay?”

“When Holly’s old enough, I’m going to take great pleasure in showing her your high school prom pictures.”

Skyler groans. “Yes, and when Flynn tells her about your prom night, I’m going to let him.”

“I did alright,” Walt comments. “See you in the morning?”

“Yeah. Bye, Holly. I love you.”

Holly babbles.

“Take care, Walt.”

“You too.”

When the call’s ended, Jesse looks at Walt.

“It was my black eye. W- Flynn started screaming bloody murder one night, and in my rush to get to him, I slipped and managed to hit my left eye on a doorknob.”

“Lucky that didn’t happen earlier.”

“Yes.”

“So, uh, what’s the story with your prom night and Mrs White’s? Did you two go together?”

“No. She’s eleven years younger than me. Skyler’s always been very beautiful. She never really had an awkward phase. Except for the night of her junior prom. She made some- interesting fashion choices.”

“And yours?”

“I didn’t go to prom.”

Jesse laughs long and hard.

“Jesse, whose couch are you planning on sleeping on tonight, and whose food did you eat earlier?”

“For the record,” Jesse bounces Holly, “there’s nothing wrong with not going to prom. I’m laughing at your dad, because, I’m pretty sure I can guess the reason he didn’t go.”

Yawning, Holly curls up against him.

“Better lay her down before she starts to get cranky.” Picking her up, Walk says, “Yes. Come on, sweetie. Daddy’s got you. Let’s get you settled in, alright? Yes.”

As soon as he’s got her adjusted in the bassinet, she’s sound asleep.

“Guess it’s good you have that effect on her right now. It wasn’t so good when you were teaching, though, huh?”

“You, not me. And I remember you certainly made me feel tired back then,” Walt says.

Moving the monitor so that he can put his socked feet on the table, Jesse asks, “Are you- Look, I don’t want to get kicked out, but if things with your wife, if you do end up divorced, are you going to get a house?”

“I don’t know. Right now, I’m getting a beer. Do you want one?”

“Nah. Thanks, but some more juice would be great.”

Getting them, Walt sits down on the couch. “Coaster.”

“Of course.” Jesse rolls his eyes.

“Skyler’s still determined to go through with the divorce. I’d love to have Flynn here, but it’s probably, no, it is safer for him to stay with his mom right now. My address is public knowledge. I need to do something about that soon.”

“LLC?”

Walt looks over.

“I learned some stuff when Saul was helping me get my Aunt Ginny’s house back.”

“That’s one option I’m considering, yes.”

“Yo, if you get a house, Mr White, I could paint Holly’s room. Maybe, I could even help with your son’s. And so you know, I’d be really cheap. Some more pot roast, maybe some chicken fried steak. Some pancakes.”

“Will work for food?”

“I don’t need money. But yeah, your home-cooked meals are definitely better than any frozen dinners or canned goods I can find.”

“We’ll talk more about all this soon. There’s a good chance I might be taking you up on your offer.”

Jesse looks over. “Serious?”

“Yes. For now, however,” Walt pats his leg, “I’m going to bed. I need to get up early, Skyler’s coming at nine, and Holly will probably want another bottle in the next two or three hours.”

“You could leave her in here. I can sleep with or without the TV on, Mr White, and I’ll wake up quick if she cries.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, totally. C’mon, don’t move her; it might wake her.”

“Alright, but the baby monitor stays, and it stays on.”

“No problem.”

Walt gets a blanket and pillow. “You can leave the TV on, if you want. If not, feel free to turn it off. She seems to be sleeping through it, and so far, she hasn’t needed a night-light. If you want to take off your shirt or pants, go ahead.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“At least, take off your belt.” Walt nods towards it. “It’ll leave marks.”

“Right. Good idea.” Jesse does. “Sleep tight, Mr White.”

“Goodnight, Jesse.”

…

Jeese’s dozing when Holly starts fussing.

“Alright. Hey, yo, Holly, I’ve got you.” Picking her up, he takes her to the dining area. “I’ll make you a bottle.” Getting the milk out of the fridge, he asks, “You know if this is formula or straight from your mom?”

She continues quietly fussing.

“Right, you can’t talk. I guess it wouldn’t be straight from your mama in this case, though, right? It’d be pumped. Either’s cool. As long as you’re getting enough and it’s healthy. From what I’ve heard, a lot of formulas are great for babies whose moms can’t or just don’t want to breastfeed.”

Once the bottle’s made, he tests the milk against his wrist. “I know your mom and dad both would make sure you had the best.” Picking her up, he brings the bottle to her. “Here.”

Taking her back to the couch, he sits down. “That good?”

After she’s finished and been burped, she babbles at him.

“Want to play a little before I put you back down for sleep?” He grabs one of her toys, but ignoring it, she wiggles up against his chest.

Letting out a small sigh, he turns off the baby monitor. Starting to walk around, he takes a deep breath. “I know you can’t understand, Holly, but uh, I want you to know: You’re gonna be okay. Alright, yo? Your dad, he got sick before you were born. And right now, he’s doing much better. He kicked cancer’s as- he got better.”

“And I hope he stays better. For you and your brother and even your mom. No matter how she feels about him, as long as he’s around, she’s got someone who’d do almost anything for her.”

“But if he doesn’t stay better- I love your dad. You’d be awesome even if you weren’t his, but the fact you and your big bro are part of him, that your mom had you and Flynn, I promise you, if something happens, even though I won’t be able to really be in your life, I’ll make sure that you and Flynn never need money. That no one ever comes around to mess with you two or your mom.”

“Yeah. And hey, hopefully, he’ll stay healthy, and I’ll be able to be someone you know. I hope so. Getting tired, baby?”

Holly yawns.

Getting her settled in her bassinet, he’s about to turn off the lights when the sound of footsteps fills the condo.

“Mr White. Did we wake you?”

Studying him, Walt shakes his head. “No. The baby monitor is off.”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry, I must have bumped it or something. Just gave Holly a bottle and burped her.”

Smiling down at Holly, Walt leans down to kiss her. “Thank you.” He sits on the couch.

Jesse comes to sit, too.

There’s silence.

“Why’d you save Jane? I mean- that’s not- you wouldn’t let someone die, not- self-defence, that’s the only way you’d kill. You’d try to save anyone dying, even the girl who blackmailed you and her piece of-”

“Jesse.” Walt sets a hand on his shoulder.

Moving away from the hand, Jesse curls into himself. “I talked to her earlier. She’s met someone. Her dad- ‘begrudgingly accepting’ is what she says. I never would have gotten that.”

“I know it was my fault. I got her using again. She was doing good until I came around. She says that she made her own choices, but- You saved her. I remember how you looked at me that night.”

“Was it just for the money? You took it, made it clear you could blackmail us right back. But then, later, you gave it back. I know you said we’re cool, Mr White, that the past is done, but- how? I’m going to screw up again.”

Walt takes a deep breath. “And you think I won’t? Jesse, I didn’t listen to you very often back when our partnership first began. This has nothing to do with you, but I managed to destroy my two decade marriage. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Now, I’m going to remind you that my innocent baby daughter is sleeping right in front of us. Then, I’m going to tell you some things I haven’t told you about that night.”

He takes another deep breath.

“I ran into Jane’s father in a bar that night. I’ve tried calculating the odds of this all happening but couldn’t. We talked about family. He told me to never give up on it.”

“And so, I went to find you. I was trying to get you to wake up when Jane rolled over onto her back. That was probably my fault. If I hadn’t been shaking you- She started to vomit, and I rushed over.”

“Then, I stopped. I watched her. I knew, if she died, I- The point is, I did consider not helping. Then, I imagined a grown Holly lying there. I helped her, and thankfully, it worked.”

Walt leans back. “I was angry with you, yes. I wasn’t sure I could trust you. There are still things I wouldn’t trust you with. But you got clean, and- Neither of us is innocent. I blackmailed you, you blackmailed me. We’ve hurt one another. That doesn’t change the fact we’ve done great things together. Or the fact I’m hoping we’ll do even more.”

Teary-eyed, Jesse looks over. “Yeah, but cancer screwed things up for you. Made you make some bad choices. Got you into this life. Me? Mr White, I always screw things up. And I don’t know why I’m like this.”

Sighing, Walt pulls Jesse against him, and his grip tightens when Jesse tries to pull away.

Once Jesse settles, Walt says, “I regret how I handled you in school. The truth is, Jesse, you’re not an idiot. I’m not sure- no, I know that calling you a slacker wasn’t right. You’re certainly not an intellectual, but you’re clever. Extremely clever. I saw the potential, but I believed it was only worth something if channelled into what I considered the right things.”

“You’re very artistic,” Walt continues. “And you undoubtedly have a much higher emotional intelligence quotient than I do.”

“What does that mean,” Jesse quietly asks.

“It means, you often understand people. Know how to relate to them. When I suggested you’d do good at marketing, I meant it. Even if you get out of the meth business entirely, I doubt you’d ever be able to have a conventional life, but some people simply aren’t made for that. You’re clever enough that I think you could find something that makes you truly happy.”

Pressing tighter against him, Jesse shudders. “I could have tried harder in school. I just didn’t care.”

“Everyone could have done better at some point in their life, Jesse. Acknowledging one’s mistakes is necessary for growth, but dwelling on them- that can destroy people. I came by that night, because, beyond the business we do, I care about you. If you’re lonely or struggling not to use, I’ll try to be there for you as much as I can.”

“Yeah. Me too. There are, uh, things I don’t trust you with, either, Mr White, but I care about you. And I’ll always try to help with looking out for your family.”

“I know. Thank you.”

Their breathing evens out, and yawning, Jesse moves away, but looking over, he says, “Hey, uh, thanks for being honest about that night.”

Walt nods. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I’m feeling a lot better. Don’t worry. I’m on baby-duty, yo, and even though Mrs White doesn’t know that, she does know where I live. If anything happens to baby Holly or you while Holly’s here, I’ll have more to be scared of than we did when dealing with Tuco.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Walt says.

“Yeah? I would. Get some sleep, Mr White. Your daughter and I will be fine.”

Turning on the baby monitor, Walt gets the lights once Jesse is settled under the blanket.

...

Holly and Jesse wake to Walt finishing making breakfast.

“Morning,” Jesse greets.

Holly fusses.

Picking her up as Jesse moves towards her, Walt says, “You eat. Or do whatever you need to before you eat. I’ve got her.” Feeding her, he adds, “You didn’t need to get up with her every time last night, but thank you.”

“No problem, yo.”

When Jesse comes back from the bathroom, Walt gestures to the table. “Sit. Sorry, I don’t have any pancakes or bacon. You’ll need to make do with some eggs and hash browns.”

“Are you kidding? This is awesome, Mr White!”

“Remember: Chew and swallow.”

Rolling his eyes, Jesse nods.

Finishing burping Holly, Walt sits, too. “Are you going to be okay today?”

Nodding, Jesse swallows. “I’ll be fine. Like I said, last night was just a bad night. Coming here, though, it helped get me through it. So, thanks.” Taking another bite, he continues, “And the food. Definitely.”

“You and- Flynn.” Walt shakes his head. “I know that _he_ is fed on a regular basis. Though, strangers could be forgiven for thinking otherwise if they saw him at our breakfast table.”

“Yo, there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy appetite.”

Holly gurgles.

“Yeah, right on. Good girl. I’m not saying never listen to your dad, ‘cause, well, you should. Like a lot. But also, you’re gonna need to be patient with him sometimes. It’s not his fault he was most likely this really weird, out-of-touch kid even way back then.”

Walt glares, and grinning, Jesse continues to eat.

When they finish, Walt says, “I’ll get the dishes, but thank you.”

“Yeah.” Gently touching Holly’s head, Jesse gathers his shoes and belt, and after putting them on, he starts to leave.

“Jesse, wait.”

Walt hands him several containers of food. “Here.”

“Wha- Mr White-”

“I’m not going to eat all this, and if Flynn comes over, he’ll want fresh food. Enjoy. It’d- uh, it’d be nice to have you over again soon. Provided you’re sober and there’s still no one looking for you.”

“Yeah.” A bright smile breaks out. “I’ll, uh, see you soon. Bye, Mr White. Thanks.”

“Take care, Jesse.”

His smile in place, Jesse leaves.


End file.
